You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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