i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
