youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
