im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
