I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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