party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
