Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
