I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
