Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
