Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
