I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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