I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
