I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
