How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
