It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
