You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
