I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
