Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
