She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
