I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
