Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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