she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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