You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
