good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
