Im at strip club and am horny
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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