dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
