Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
