ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
