Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
