i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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