i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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