I think my fart just growled at me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
