there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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