I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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