and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
