so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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