My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
