i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
