my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
