the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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