i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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