LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
