so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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