Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
