btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
