I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
