So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
