Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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