I skipped work to stalk him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize