How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
