You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
