why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
