Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
