well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize