everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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