don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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