onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
