I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
