Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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