He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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