just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
