batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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