i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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