I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
