So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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