Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
