I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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