My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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