We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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