I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
