I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
