If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
