brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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