That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Randomize
