I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk is not a location!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
