So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
