Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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