I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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