I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
