hotel room ftw
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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