I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
