I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
