I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
