just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
