every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
