so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
