On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
